I have a dear friend who won’t likely be with us on this side of the veil much longer. I feel immensely blessed that we have had him with us for at least two years longer than expected. There is boo-hooing to be done all too soon.
He has been doing what I believe one should do in this situation and something I have sadly experienced before. He is reaching out to people he loves, giving away what he wants people to have, and of course, making sure his affairs are in order.
I wasn’t with him when he started talking about what kind of “event” to hold after his death, but the people who were there encouraged him to consider throwing a party while he still able to spend time with us. He took their advice did just that and it was a raging success!
It was held in a lovely facility in the downtown area. He (and his partner) arranged valet parking, open bar, and hors d’oeuvres. Everyone took the opportunity to dress in their best and celebrate our mutual friend.
He has several friend and family groups he knows from different parts of his life and they all came to together. It was spectacular! I “appear” to fit into several of his friend groups and found myself having to explain several times which group I came from. “How do you know…?”
I wasn’t quite prepared for that question…I’m not sure why. I realized I needed to say that I was with the gay family although it seems that those who asked were not quite prepared for that answer. I’m married, I have kids and grandkids…I pass as perfectly average person, at least to the midwestern eye.
It made me consider some important choices I’ve consciously made. I’m more than an ally to the gay community. While I am not gay, I have much in common with people who spent so much of their lives identified as outsiders, the other. If you’ve read some of my other posts, you will understand why. There are multiple reasons but the most obvious is that we moved a lot and had a very rootless family. There was no home, apartment, neighborhood that was the fall back. There was no bedroom or domicile to come back to during college breaks. That was not very common in those days, it is much more common now. Wonder why people feel so lonely these days? I understand. We lived in multiple states, in multiple towns, in multiple different types of neighborhoods. I always thought it was very telling that both my older brother and I who experienced this type of life, chose to live very rooted lives with long marriages. We both chose the opposite of what we knew growing up.
It is exhausting and wearing when one is expected to explain the drama and trauma we lived in that we didn’t create. There are reasons I react certain ways, make certain decisions, see people in a certain light. I don’t bother to explain things to people and haven’t in many years. None-ya (none of your business). We don’t owe anyone an explanation, we hold each other up.
People used to think it strange that I had so many gay, male friends. It’s never seemed strange to me at all. It’s just my family.
Khatzkel Did It 