When both my grandmothers, neither of who turned out to be with us in person much longer after this, were still alive we attended a family event together one last time. That is the fond part of this memory.
One of my grandmothers, unsurprising in hindsight, was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s. There was an inkling that something wasn’t quite right but she was still able to knit and crochet as was common for many women at the time. In our family it was a common request that she make a bespoke afghan as a present. I still have my crocheted blue and white afghan from my sixteenth birthday. It is the most precious gift I received from my grandparents.
Grandma made an afghan for this occasion as well and I’d guess it was the last or one of the last ones she was able to complete. When the gift was opened, we oohed and aah-ed at the piece like it was a crocheted Picasso. (See, we had an inkling.). She beamed as we had intended her to do. Lovely, memorable moment to say the least.
Now for the not so lovely part.
I was tasked with serving my grandmothers’ their cake and coffee and whatever they asked for and to sit with them during the usually party rituals which included the playing of party games. Side note: I really despise party games. I find them contrite and contrived “fun” and to this day, I do what I can to get out of playing them. This experience may be the origin of that immense dislike.
During the games, my soon to be mentally addled grandmother managed to win a spatula. I believe it was the first game and she was just thrilled. It seemed to make her day but than came the first shot over the bough of nasty, condescending behavior from certain guests. Yeah, this really might be why I so dislike party games and showers so much.
In the next game, another party guest won some sort of similar small gift and made an overt and theatrical spectacle of getting up, crossing the space and handing her item to the bride-to-be. I immediately realized it was a catty way of saying my grandmother keeping her spatula was not what was intended and all the “prizes” were to be handed to the future bride. Certainly not a terrible thing, but this large women in the red polyester pantsuit was clearly making a condescending, mean spirited statement. I was surprised by her coarse gesture and afterward asked my mother what she thought of that. I am happy to say, I don’t think any of the women in my family even noticed this or at least didn’t care.
I later asked other people I knew about this sort of cause and effect, was it a common party trick to do this? Was this some sort of unwritten rule that everyone knew about? My informal survey showed that while it was known I couldn’t say it was the standard. Some people knew and others, like ourselves had never heard of it. I never experienced it at any other shower again and clearly, I’ll never understand why I have to play ridiculous games on multiple levels. Can’t we just stick to giving gifts directly without all the manipulations of pretending to be generous and having forced fun? Sigh…guess not.
Unfortunately this was not the only crass and overtly rude behavior I experienced and frankly if this one happened today, I would never let it pass without at least a shot back over the bough. I’m very happy to say that I was fortunate to never come across these people again and especially now when this experience would fall under, “I didn’t start it but I will end it” behavior I lean toward in my present state and at my age. Red polyester pantsuit would be no match, trust that.
In the next part of the party, post games, someone put the gifts out on the table so everyone could see what was brought. I thought it was a nice idea and walked over to see and admire. I was standing in front of the table when red polyester pantsuit sidled up next to me with a minion in tow and in a somewhat too loud voice said “Well that afghan is nice, but this gift is a real treasure.” Lord, I can still hear that rude, tacky woman unnecessarily and inappropriately trash talk a special gift.
Not that day Satan…okay, but maybe today, Satan…
I don’t think I even looked at her, just kept admiring the goods and went back to sit with my grandmothers for what was the last time we were all together.
No more damn party “games” for me!
Khatzkel Did It 